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If you are in emotional pain right
now, look around on this page to find
some ideas to help!
1: SPEAK WITH YOURSELF!
No kidding! Tell your story as you would tell it to your therapist! Listen carefully, listen empathically, no judgments, no negative comments! Try to understand what you haven't understood until now. Just as you would expect from your therapist! Give yourself acknowledgement for the things that you think you were doing right! But first of all listen, listen, listen! Open your eyes and ears for deeper understanding and put aside all your accustomed judgment! Judgment is against honesty and raises shame, embarrassment and anxiety. You can decide later on if you don't want to behave like this or that anymore, but first you need to face it, and understand why you acted like that! (It's true for others too!) Warning! - Don't talk about your problem in the bed before sleep! This is the time for rest. If you cannot finish spinning around your problem you easily end up with sleep problems! In the evening, instead of "ruminating", try to relax.
2: TAKE BREAKS!
Don't sink into this story telling too long! Understanding needs time, but after a while exhaustion can block effective work, and tension can run up high. When you feel this is happening, stop! Take a break, go walking, swimming, house work, gardening, chatting with friends, listen to music, whatever is able to switch you off
3: WRITE A DIARY!
Be careful, that no one can have access, and you can be completely honest with yourself about your thoughts, feelings. Keep it close to you in the nights, that when you wake up, you can put down your dreams too. (Usually we forget them when we completely wake up in the mornings.) Keep track about what they are saying to you? Are there any repeating dream? Are they scary, or reassuring? What do they mean to you? Keep track also on the daytime writings. Are there repeating stories, reactions or feelings? What are the triggers to them? What causes problem to you, and what causes joy? Do you discover any pattern what you were not aware of before.
3: RELAX!
I know that you feel it is easier said than done, but any type of relaxation helps your body and soul! It lowers your heart frequency, deepen your breath, you get more oxygen, relaxes your muscles, and most of all: helps to clear up your mind and focus on the productive way of solving your problem. If it's a usual routine for you, do your usual way, or try my favorite one: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Instruction. (Ask for the free instruction on this page!) Don't be scared about the fancy name, it is simple! I found it easier to relax the muscles after building up tension. It is easier to begin with the feet. I like to use "can", "may" "might" to emphasize your freedom of choice, and the difference how every one of us have different sensation. And it takes the wind out of the sail of resistance. You don't have to follow word by word! Make your own version, and record it if you need to.
1: SPEAK WITH YOURSELF!
No kidding! Tell your story as you would tell it to your therapist! Listen carefully, listen empathically, no judgments, no negative comments! Try to understand what you haven't understood until now. Just as you would expect from your therapist! Give yourself acknowledgement for the things that you think you were doing right! But first of all listen, listen, listen! Open your eyes and ears for deeper understanding and put aside all your accustomed judgment! Judgment is against honesty and raises shame, embarrassment and anxiety. You can decide later on if you don't want to behave like this or that anymore, but first you need to face it, and understand why you acted like that! (It's true for others too!) Warning! - Don't talk about your problem in the bed before sleep! This is the time for rest. If you cannot finish spinning around your problem you easily end up with sleep problems! In the evening, instead of "ruminating", try to relax.
2: TAKE BREAKS!
Don't sink into this story telling too long! Understanding needs time, but after a while exhaustion can block effective work, and tension can run up high. When you feel this is happening, stop! Take a break, go walking, swimming, house work, gardening, chatting with friends, listen to music, whatever is able to switch you off
3: WRITE A DIARY!
Be careful, that no one can have access, and you can be completely honest with yourself about your thoughts, feelings. Keep it close to you in the nights, that when you wake up, you can put down your dreams too. (Usually we forget them when we completely wake up in the mornings.) Keep track about what they are saying to you? Are there any repeating dream? Are they scary, or reassuring? What do they mean to you? Keep track also on the daytime writings. Are there repeating stories, reactions or feelings? What are the triggers to them? What causes problem to you, and what causes joy? Do you discover any pattern what you were not aware of before.
3: RELAX!
I know that you feel it is easier said than done, but any type of relaxation helps your body and soul! It lowers your heart frequency, deepen your breath, you get more oxygen, relaxes your muscles, and most of all: helps to clear up your mind and focus on the productive way of solving your problem. If it's a usual routine for you, do your usual way, or try my favorite one: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Instruction. (Ask for the free instruction on this page!) Don't be scared about the fancy name, it is simple! I found it easier to relax the muscles after building up tension. It is easier to begin with the feet. I like to use "can", "may" "might" to emphasize your freedom of choice, and the difference how every one of us have different sensation. And it takes the wind out of the sail of resistance. You don't have to follow word by word! Make your own version, and record it if you need to.
Don't be surprised, they will come
back, as they are very stubborn
customs sometimes. When you notice,
that you thought something bad again,
just erase it like in the computer:
Say: "Erase! Erase!" or "Delete!
Delete!" Remind yourself, and do it
again, and again. It takes a while
until it becomes custom, but you can
get used to it! "If you cannot stop
those negative thoughts because of
their automatic character, you can try
to replace them with something less
damaging, like: instead of "I'm an
idiot!" you can say: "I'm an idiom!"
Use your creativity and sense of
humor, and choose a replacement
which entertains you! (I know!
Probably in your present situation the
humor is the last one what comes into
your mind, but still you can make a
try! You deserve a little uplift in your
mood, don't you?) "Turn your
expressions of wishes to positive. I
mean, if you said until now: "I don't
want that headache!" Change it to: "I
want that headache go away!" Why?
Our mind is not receptive about plus
and minus signs. In the first case you
emphasized: "Minus headache." Our
mind can hear: "- headache, -
headache! Ah? S/he wants
headache?!" The second case you
emphasized: "Headache, go away!"
"Turn your negative predictions into
positive. Think about them! What they
intend to do! I bet you want to
PREVENT you child ending up jail,
you want to PREVENT ending this
relationship in divorce, you want to
PREVENT you getting cancer. But
your mind hears: "jail" "divorce"
"cancer" - Do you wonder if s/he
decides to help you to get that? State
what you REALLY WANT TO GET! "I
want this child become a successful,
happy adult!" "I want to get back our
old kind relationship!" "I want to have
long healthy life!" Then your mind get
a better command for what you to
prepare. "Words are very effective
shaping our mind, but pictures are
even more effective! If you use
imagination for whatever reason -
which I strongly support - apply the
same idea: Always IMAGINE WHAT
YOU WANT! And wrap the whole
experience somehow positive.
Favorite place, favorite music,
favorite real or imaginary people or
animal. What makes you feel good?
Imagine there! If you are working on
something negative to go away - for
instance illness to heal - first you
need to think about the negative in
order to imagine how it will change:
don't stay at the negative part too
long. Focus on the change and the
positive outcome. Again: if the
negative picture turns out to come
back, - don't worry! This is its
character. Send it away again! If you
haven't done something similar until
now, try my Guided Imagery!
7: DRAW OR PAINT WHAT YOU WANT
It doesn't have to be artistic! It doesn't matter that you cannot draw or paint. The goal is to help your mind to prepare your body, reactions, behavior, feeling and thinking to accomplish your goal. The more tools you use, the more results you can expect! I have heard from people that they have more success fulfilling what they want, when they drew it down. Be patient, give time for yourself, but be persistent! Also keep in mind, that recovery usually comes in waves; set backs are natural part of the process.
7: DRAW OR PAINT WHAT YOU WANT
It doesn't have to be artistic! It doesn't matter that you cannot draw or paint. The goal is to help your mind to prepare your body, reactions, behavior, feeling and thinking to accomplish your goal. The more tools you use, the more results you can expect! I have heard from people that they have more success fulfilling what they want, when they drew it down. Be patient, give time for yourself, but be persistent! Also keep in mind, that recovery usually comes in waves; set backs are natural part of the process.
4: GUIDED IMAGERY!
This is one type of problem solving - different from our usual analytic methods. We approach the problem from the deep intuitive, imaginative side of the soul. It is best to make it after you gain your deep relaxed state with any of the relaxation methods. Feel free to choose whatever environment, companion, or helper whatever you want! The main focus has to be on positive. POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT, POSITIVE COMPANIONS (if you want companions, you don't have to) POSITIVE MOOD, (not necessarily happy, just calm, relaxed, content, cozy, warm) but mainly: THE POSITIVE OUTCOME! If you use it to solve something, imagine the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME SCENARIO! Not what you are afraid of! Imagine you and your loved one having fun on the beach! Or you are appreciated in a prestigious workplace again! You are completely healed taking part in family reunion! If you are working on some illness inside your body, you can think about really how it is, but you also can choose any symbolization. Spend as little time as possible with the present problem, but change the scene towards the healing process and the gained complete health! If you need guidance, ask for the Free Guided Imagery Instructions on this page!
5: SPEAK WITH YOUR TRUSTED FRIEND!
A lot of the time a big honest conversation with a friend, who can be reliable, keep secret and give reassurance instead of criticism, can be very helpful. You can feel that someone can understand you; s/he might share her/his similar experiences with you lessening the feeling of being alone. You can gain simply from that you can summarize your thoughts the way how you didn't do it before. You can get good questions. A good conversation also can help you to vent out your withdrawn feelings
6: THOUGHT CLEANING!
This might be the most important one! Stop for a moment with everything else, and reflect on yourself! How many negative thoughts did you have in the last hours? Negative thoughts like: "I'll go crazy!" "It drives me mad!" "I am stupid!" I am not good enough to make it!" "I'm afraid I got cancer!" "If my child continues like this s/he's end up in jail!" - If you had some, consider this: Our mind and body is one functioning unit. Still we don't exactly understand how, but more and more study shows, that what we think has a profound effect on our body, and basic functioning. (E.g. those athletes who makes training in imagination after injury during the recovery period, build up more muscles and heal better than those, who don't make imaginative training.) What you think, somehow translates itself to the body, and makes it possible to behave the way how you thought.
The more you think something negative, the more chance you have to fulfill it. It's better to reverse it! "Make a huge thought cleaning! Every negative comment, prediction has to go!
This is one type of problem solving - different from our usual analytic methods. We approach the problem from the deep intuitive, imaginative side of the soul. It is best to make it after you gain your deep relaxed state with any of the relaxation methods. Feel free to choose whatever environment, companion, or helper whatever you want! The main focus has to be on positive. POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT, POSITIVE COMPANIONS (if you want companions, you don't have to) POSITIVE MOOD, (not necessarily happy, just calm, relaxed, content, cozy, warm) but mainly: THE POSITIVE OUTCOME! If you use it to solve something, imagine the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME SCENARIO! Not what you are afraid of! Imagine you and your loved one having fun on the beach! Or you are appreciated in a prestigious workplace again! You are completely healed taking part in family reunion! If you are working on some illness inside your body, you can think about really how it is, but you also can choose any symbolization. Spend as little time as possible with the present problem, but change the scene towards the healing process and the gained complete health! If you need guidance, ask for the Free Guided Imagery Instructions on this page!
5: SPEAK WITH YOUR TRUSTED FRIEND!
A lot of the time a big honest conversation with a friend, who can be reliable, keep secret and give reassurance instead of criticism, can be very helpful. You can feel that someone can understand you; s/he might share her/his similar experiences with you lessening the feeling of being alone. You can gain simply from that you can summarize your thoughts the way how you didn't do it before. You can get good questions. A good conversation also can help you to vent out your withdrawn feelings
6: THOUGHT CLEANING!
This might be the most important one! Stop for a moment with everything else, and reflect on yourself! How many negative thoughts did you have in the last hours? Negative thoughts like: "I'll go crazy!" "It drives me mad!" "I am stupid!" I am not good enough to make it!" "I'm afraid I got cancer!" "If my child continues like this s/he's end up in jail!" - If you had some, consider this: Our mind and body is one functioning unit. Still we don't exactly understand how, but more and more study shows, that what we think has a profound effect on our body, and basic functioning. (E.g. those athletes who makes training in imagination after injury during the recovery period, build up more muscles and heal better than those, who don't make imaginative training.) What you think, somehow translates itself to the body, and makes it possible to behave the way how you thought.
The more you think something negative, the more chance you have to fulfill it. It's better to reverse it! "Make a huge thought cleaning! Every negative comment, prediction has to go!
With the help of this
Relaxation Instruction you
can practice an easy way of
relaxing your body and mind.
You can record it for
yourself, or make it by
memory. I send you the
transcript in Pdf file, then
one follow up Email 2 weeks
later.
This Guided Imagery
Instruction guides you to
visualize anything you want
from healing your body to
achieving your goals. It works
by occupying the right side
of the brain and applying its
holistic, emotional, intuitive
working mode. It prepares
body and mind for the
desired outcome. I send you
the file in Pdf format and a
follow up Email 2 weeks later.
For Free Consultation call:
(425) 280 2643
Or send an Email!
(425) 280 2643
Or send an Email!
Evening and Weekend
appointments are available.
Office
4460 73rd Pl SW
Mukilteo, WA 98275
soundsoulcounseling@yahoo.com
4460 73rd Pl SW
Mukilteo, WA 98275
soundsoulcounseling@yahoo.com
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