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If you are in emotional pain right
now, look around on this page to find
some ideas to help!
1: SPEAK WITH YOURSELF!
No kidding! Tell your story as you would tell it to your therapist! Listen carefully, listen empathically, no judgments, no negative comments! Try to understand what you haven't understood until now. Just as you would expect from your therapist! Give yourself acknowledgement for the things that you think you were doing right! But first of all listen, listen, listen! Open your eyes and ears for deeper understanding and put aside all your accustomed judgment! Judgment is against honesty and raises shame, embarrassment and anxiety. You can decide later on if you don't want to behave like this or that anymore, but first you need to face it, and understand why you acted like that! (It's true for others too!) Warning! - Don't talk about your problem in the bed before sleep! This is the time for rest. If you cannot finish spinning around your problem you easily end up with sleep problems! In the evening, instead of "ruminating", try to relax.
2: TAKE BREAKS!
Don't sink into this story telling too long! Understanding needs time, but after a while exhaustion can block effective work, and tension can run up high. When you feel this is happening, stop! Take a break, go walking, swimming, house work, gardening, chatting with friends, listen to music, whatever is able to switch you off
3: WRITE A DIARY!
Be careful, that no one can have access, and you can be completely honest with yourself about your thoughts, feelings. Keep it close to you in the nights, that when you wake up, you can put down your dreams too. (Usually we forget them when we completely wake up in the mornings.) Keep track about what they are saying to you? Are there any repeating dream? Are they scary, or reassuring? What do they mean to you? Keep track also on the daytime writings. Are there repeating stories, reactions or feelings? What are the triggers to them? What causes problem to you, and what causes joy? Do you discover any pattern what you were not aware of before.
3: RELAX!
I know that you feel it is easier said than done, but any type of relaxation helps your body and soul! It lowers your heart frequency, deepen your breath, you get more oxygen, relaxes your muscles, and most of all: helps to clear up your mind and focus on the productive way of solving your problem. If it's a usual routine for you, do your usual way, or try my favorite one: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Instruction
... read more...
1: SPEAK WITH YOURSELF!
No kidding! Tell your story as you would tell it to your therapist! Listen carefully, listen empathically, no judgments, no negative comments! Try to understand what you haven't understood until now. Just as you would expect from your therapist! Give yourself acknowledgement for the things that you think you were doing right! But first of all listen, listen, listen! Open your eyes and ears for deeper understanding and put aside all your accustomed judgment! Judgment is against honesty and raises shame, embarrassment and anxiety. You can decide later on if you don't want to behave like this or that anymore, but first you need to face it, and understand why you acted like that! (It's true for others too!) Warning! - Don't talk about your problem in the bed before sleep! This is the time for rest. If you cannot finish spinning around your problem you easily end up with sleep problems! In the evening, instead of "ruminating", try to relax.
2: TAKE BREAKS!
Don't sink into this story telling too long! Understanding needs time, but after a while exhaustion can block effective work, and tension can run up high. When you feel this is happening, stop! Take a break, go walking, swimming, house work, gardening, chatting with friends, listen to music, whatever is able to switch you off
3: WRITE A DIARY!
Be careful, that no one can have access, and you can be completely honest with yourself about your thoughts, feelings. Keep it close to you in the nights, that when you wake up, you can put down your dreams too. (Usually we forget them when we completely wake up in the mornings.) Keep track about what they are saying to you? Are there any repeating dream? Are they scary, or reassuring? What do they mean to you? Keep track also on the daytime writings. Are there repeating stories, reactions or feelings? What are the triggers to them? What causes problem to you, and what causes joy? Do you discover any pattern what you were not aware of before.
3: RELAX!
I know that you feel it is easier said than done, but any type of relaxation helps your body and soul! It lowers your heart frequency, deepen your breath, you get more oxygen, relaxes your muscles, and most of all: helps to clear up your mind and focus on the productive way of solving your problem. If it's a usual routine for you, do your usual way, or try my favorite one: Progressive Muscle Relaxation Instruction
... read more...
If you have bad opinion about
yourself, if you don't believe in your
ability to go ahead with your life and
get along with people, it can make
your world really desperate. This
itself can prevent you from
achieving, or get engage in
relationship even if otherwise you
would be perfect in the situation. Not
to mention how painful it can be
when you put yourself down.
But our self-esteem is shapeable; there is always possibility to improve. You just need your best intention and firm decision to invest in yourself, some persistence and before long, you can look into a confident face in the mirror.
Don't postpone! You deserve it!
Begin now with checking this guidance: HOW!
I am quite sure that you can accept best result if you understand the reason of a problem, and then figure out the solution! In this writing I lead you through some of the reason which can lead to low self-esteem, and then I show you some exercise how to recreate it!
REASONS
Reason No1
When children are born they don't have any idea who they are or how they look like or how they're functioning. They see the world with their parents' eyes. If the parents provide them with positive feedback, unconditional love and encourage them to believe in themselves, children shape a self-image according to their parents' opinion. Without putting the blame on anyone, we have to admit that sometimes parents have their own limits, their communication about the baby is charged with other problems, they are stressed out, or they simply believe that they do the best with correcting or criticizing their child. In these cases the children's self-esteem become lower.
Reason No2
Because of low self-esteem people may be quite withdrawn, they may fear failure and because of that they avoid activities, which can help them building up self-esteem through small achievements. Is this you?
Reason No3
Some people can be in the mistake of "half glass water". Do you know this famous story? If there is a half glass of water on the table, some people see half glass of water, some other see the glass half empty. The question is what part you are focusing on! If you are thinking about yourself
... read more...
But our self-esteem is shapeable; there is always possibility to improve. You just need your best intention and firm decision to invest in yourself, some persistence and before long, you can look into a confident face in the mirror.
Don't postpone! You deserve it!
Begin now with checking this guidance: HOW!
I am quite sure that you can accept best result if you understand the reason of a problem, and then figure out the solution! In this writing I lead you through some of the reason which can lead to low self-esteem, and then I show you some exercise how to recreate it!
REASONS
Reason No1
When children are born they don't have any idea who they are or how they look like or how they're functioning. They see the world with their parents' eyes. If the parents provide them with positive feedback, unconditional love and encourage them to believe in themselves, children shape a self-image according to their parents' opinion. Without putting the blame on anyone, we have to admit that sometimes parents have their own limits, their communication about the baby is charged with other problems, they are stressed out, or they simply believe that they do the best with correcting or criticizing their child. In these cases the children's self-esteem become lower.
Reason No2
Because of low self-esteem people may be quite withdrawn, they may fear failure and because of that they avoid activities, which can help them building up self-esteem through small achievements. Is this you?
Reason No3
Some people can be in the mistake of "half glass water". Do you know this famous story? If there is a half glass of water on the table, some people see half glass of water, some other see the glass half empty. The question is what part you are focusing on! If you are thinking about yourself
... read more...
There is something really annoying
when someone gets us to do
something that we don't want to,
isn't it?
We feel some hazy mix of irritation, guilt, shame, and anxiety, in the same time we do something what is expected from us which is completely against our interest or will. We give money, do a favor or take part in something we don't want to.
Do you want to get off the hook? Learn the 3 "Anti-Manipulation-Tricks":
BEING ASSERTIVE
UNDERSTANDING THE MANIPULATION PROCESS AND ACT AGAINST IT
APPLYING ANTI-MANIPULATION TOOLS
Broken record
Fogging
Negative assertion
Negative inquiry
Self-disclosure
Free information
Workable Compromise
Assertive behavior when we stand up for our interesst and rights, in the same time we respect the others interests and rights.
UNDERSTANDING THE MANIPULATION PROCESS
There is two main points in the process.
First: the manipulator uses an external, arbitrary rule system or expectation: "the good friend" the "reliable coworker" the "conscientious citizen" or the "loving husband or wife". Notice, that there is no precise definition of these rules, the manipulator can substitute whatever s/he wants what a "good friend" is suppose to do, and handle it as well known and accepted truth. The assumption can be hidden and unspoken in the conversation.
Second: the manipulator induces guilt, shame or anxiety in you; if you are not acting the expected way, you will be evaluated, harshly judged and not loved.
Of course s/he doesn't take the responsibility for the expectation, but put fingers on those external general rules.
Why are we receptive?
Before you declared yourself stupid by letting yourself get tricked, you need to know that this is the way of socializing us in our childhood. It has sunk into our personality very deeply. Without any manipulative edge, the parents tell their children what is good and what is bad, what is expected and what is not.
... read more...
We feel some hazy mix of irritation, guilt, shame, and anxiety, in the same time we do something what is expected from us which is completely against our interest or will. We give money, do a favor or take part in something we don't want to.
Do you want to get off the hook? Learn the 3 "Anti-Manipulation-Tricks":
BEING ASSERTIVE
UNDERSTANDING THE MANIPULATION PROCESS AND ACT AGAINST IT
APPLYING ANTI-MANIPULATION TOOLS
Broken record
Fogging
Negative assertion
Negative inquiry
Self-disclosure
Free information
Workable Compromise
Assertive behavior when we stand up for our interesst and rights, in the same time we respect the others interests and rights.
UNDERSTANDING THE MANIPULATION PROCESS
There is two main points in the process.
First: the manipulator uses an external, arbitrary rule system or expectation: "the good friend" the "reliable coworker" the "conscientious citizen" or the "loving husband or wife". Notice, that there is no precise definition of these rules, the manipulator can substitute whatever s/he wants what a "good friend" is suppose to do, and handle it as well known and accepted truth. The assumption can be hidden and unspoken in the conversation.
Second: the manipulator induces guilt, shame or anxiety in you; if you are not acting the expected way, you will be evaluated, harshly judged and not loved.
Of course s/he doesn't take the responsibility for the expectation, but put fingers on those external general rules.
Why are we receptive?
Before you declared yourself stupid by letting yourself get tricked, you need to know that this is the way of socializing us in our childhood. It has sunk into our personality very deeply. Without any manipulative edge, the parents tell their children what is good and what is bad, what is expected and what is not.
... read more...
With the help of this
Relaxation Instruction you can
practice an easy way of
relaxing your body and mind.
You can record it for
yourself, or make it by
memory. I send you the
transcript in Pdf file, then
one follow up Email 2 weeks
later.
This Guided Imagery
Instruction guides you to
visualize anything you want
from healing your body to
achieving your goals. It works
by occupying the right side
of the brain and applying its
holistic, emotional, intuitive
working mode. It prepares
body and mind for the
desired outcome. I send you
the file in Pdf format and a
follow up Email 2 weeks later.
Evening and Weekend
appointments are available.
Office
4460 73rd Pl SW
Mukilteo, WA 98275
soundsoulcounseling@yahoo.com
4460 73rd Pl SW
Mukilteo, WA 98275
soundsoulcounseling@yahoo.com
Copyright © 2011
For Free Consultation call:
(425) 280 2643
Or send an Email!
(425) 280 2643
Or send an Email!
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Zita Fekete
in Mukilteo WA
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